You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
