Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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