My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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