Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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