I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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