I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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