So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
