There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
