You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
