Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
