I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
i black out too much to be "responsible"
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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