she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
