ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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