If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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