I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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