quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
