wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
