??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
