Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
