I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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