Me. At least after what I've been through.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
