The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
