you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
