I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Randomize
