i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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