She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
