I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
