i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
