Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
