we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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