Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
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