Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
