If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
