thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
