Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
