Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Why are your pants in the freezer?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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