Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Drunk is a universal language darling
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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