im about as happy as oj after his trial
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
