We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
