yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
