so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
