I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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