yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
