When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
