Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
