Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
