I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
