I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Randomize
