he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
