i don't like sucking hair
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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