Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
