There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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