good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
